We all have to deal with feelings of missing someone. If you have trouble managing such feelings, read the article to learn what you can do about it.
We all have to deal with feelings of missing someone, whether it is a relative or an ex-lover. Missing someone can be tough for many people and may even be disabling. When you lose someone special, you usually feel nostalgic and might desire the feeling of happiness you attach to the individual. You may also have become dependent on the lost loved on for certain things, and losing them can be a bit hard because of this. So, how can you manage the feelings of losing a loved one? Read on to find out.
Key Points:
- Missing someone is normal and must be expected after losing a special individual.
- You should accept the situation and spend some time processing the news.
- You can take some comfort in the fact that the other person also misses you.
- Talking to a licensed counselor can allow you to handle the feelings in a healthy way.
Reasons for Missing Other People
Lots of different reasons can cause extreme emotions after losing a special person. A common reason why we miss ex-lovers or lost relatives is that we respect their qualities. For example, a woman may love the fact that her ex-boyfriend was kind and thoughtful, and she may be depressed that she cannot enjoy these qualities anymore. To some extent, we may even envy the people we miss and could aspire to be like them. You may also miss an individual because they added a purpose to your life. They may have complimented you all the time and bought you special gifts, and now that they are gone, you don’t have a sense of purpose.
In other cases, people just miss their lost lovers because they cannot handle being alone, and that is usually the case with the loss of abusive partners. Even though such partners can make life difficult, they can still help to fill a void and will reduce your feelings of insecurity. A final reason for missing an individual is that you just had an unusual connection with them.
How to Determine if Someone is Missing You
Missing someone can be tough, especially if you may never see them again. However, knowing that the individual misses you too can provide a little comfort. A common way to determine whether someone misses you or not is by checking their calls and texts. Some people turn to alcohol for comfort after losing a loved one, and it can reduce their inhibitions, particularly at night. They will, therefore, find it much easier to call you at night.
If they miss you, you will also note that they will make attempts to put you or your partner down. They can make such remarks on social media or when talking to you. If you are still connected on social media, you will notice that they will often post pictures of their best times, perhaps even with their new partner.
Some people will also start sending notes and may keep reminding you about the special times you had together. Usually, it is because they want to get you to restart the relationship. Some people will even show that they still miss you by sticking with some of your personal items. They will often find excuses not to give you back your special sweater or jeans. It is also possible that they will keep asking you to meet up, even for the silliest of reasons. If you notice that they still talk to your friends, this may also indicate that they miss you. They may need to use such opportunities to find out whether you are okay and if you still miss them.
How to Stop Missing Someone
Missing someone can be one of the most unpleasant emotions, but fortunately, you can manage these feelings. Go through these tips to find out how you can stop missing your lost loved one.
Remove All Memorabilia
One reason why you may experience intense negative emotions is that you still have lots of memorabilia. You don’t need to lose all their pictures, gifts, and items that generally remind you about the good times you had. Instead, you can keep them out of sight. While removing the memorabilia, you should ensure that you also clear their contacts and lose their social media handles. Naturally, you may want to stalk them online to see how they are doing, but you should avoid such habits as they can easily get out of hand. You will also find it hard to stop missing someone if you are constantly aware of their plans, daily activities, and general progress in life. You don’t necessarily need to burn bridges, but you should avoid them for some time after breaking up. Over time, you can try becoming friends but always look after yourself first.
Engage in Pleasant Activities
Losing a loved one can easily make you go insane, but you can easily manage your feelings of missing someone if you engage in pleasant hobbies. One of the best ways to keep yourself busy is to join a gym. Working out will not just help you to get healthies but will also help you release some endorphins, which will make you feel better. Also, since you will be doing something useful for yourself, you will generally be happier. To make sure you stay motivated for the workouts, you should consider paying for the sessions in advance. Also, you can consider finding a workout group.
Although distractions are encouraged as a way of getting rid of negative emotions, you should still avoid using drugs or alcohol. It’s because these substances will only make you pursue unhealthy solutions and may even end up becoming habits.
Other activities you can do to distract yourself from the negative emotions include:
- Watching TV shows and movies;
- Reading novels;
- Taking walks;
- Painting.
Avoid Solitude
You can also keep yourself busy by meeting new people and hanging out with your friends. Such people will provide a good distraction from your emotions, and they will also be actively trying to cheer you up. Spending time with your friends will also help you understand that everyone goes through tough times and eventually manages to control negative feelings. On the first days, you may just want to sit down at home and grieve, but it should not go on for too long. You can start by going to the mall or store, where you can talk to people again. Locking yourself up will only enhance the belief that you are lonely without your lost loved one, and that can increase the feelings of missing them.
Be Positive
All relationships have their flaws, and if you break off a relationship, it likely had several flaws. Maybe your ex-lover was controlling or abusive in a way. You should keep these reasons in mind and embrace the good things that will come from being single. For example, you can try out some hobbies and dressing styles that you had to avoid when you were in a relationship. One surprising benefit of ending a relationship is that you will be able to travel on a whim. That’s because you will not need to consult anyone else when making travel plans.
Another thing you can enjoy as a single person is a self-reliance. If you have been in a relationship for a long time, you may feel powerless in some situations since you were already used to getting some help. After breaking up, you can learn some excellent recipes and generally learn how to live on your own.
Another thing you will enjoy after your breakup is to get in touch with your friends and family. Usually, people get too busy after marriage or when they are in serious relationships, and that makes them forget their friends.
Understand That It Take Time
You should not be worried if you are overwhelmed with negative emotions in the first few weeks of your breakup. There is an adjustment period when you will get over the emotions. In the first days, you may even find the emotions disabling, and it can be difficult even to perform your regular tasks. Over time, the pain will reduce, and you will be able to enjoy some level of normalcy.
Spare Some Time to Grieve
You should grieve the absence of your lost loved one. Bottling up your emotions can be extremely unhealthy, particularly because you may end up being poorly adjusted for future relationships. You can set aside some time to cry your eyes out as you listen to sad songs and go through memorabilia. You should note that grieving is different for everyone, so you should find the method that suits you best. Some people even grieve by confiding in other people, such as counselors. Sharing the issue will get it off your chest, and this way, you will be able to move forward. However, you should be careful not to spend too much time grieving. Once your grieving window has passed, you should get back to your regular activities.
Put It Down on Paper
A good way of releasing stress is by writing down how you feel. Even if you pretend that your emotions do not exist, they will still affect you. As such, you can try to face your issues by writing them down. Doing it will help you get a good perspective of the issue as it allows you to remember the worst parts of the relationship. This way, you will be able to remember why the relationship failed. Also, writing down your emotions can make them less overwhelming since you will be able to focus on specific issues.
Talk to Our Therapists
A good way of managing your feelings of missing someone special in your life is by chatting with Calmerry therapists. They can be reached at all times of day and night and will not require you to set schedules. You can just contact us, and we will let you access one of the therapy rooms. Since the service is offered via live chat or video chat, you will not need to set foot outside your house. As licensed counselors, they will provide you with advice therapy on how to cope with the loss of a husband, wife, or just an ex-lover. We will also be able to help get through the death of a loved one. Call us now to start your program.
More information about Calmerry you can find here .
Kate Skurat
Licensed Mental Health Counselor
Washington, United States
Kate has a B.S. in Psychology and M.A. in Clinical Psychology from Pepperdine University and has worked in healthcare since 2017. She primarily treated depression, anxiety, eating disorders, trauma, and grief, as well as identity, relationship and adjustment issues. Her clinical experience has focused on individual and group counseling, emergency counseling and outreach. https://www.linkedin.com/in/kate-skurat-5348381b9/