(This is a continued education series of wellness mindset stories designed to benefit thinking and mental growth. This is not medical or diagnostic advice, simply a general discussion about healthy mindset options to battle today’s stressful environment. Consult a medication professional for specific issues.)
By Terry Carter, RTT, CHyp.
The happy child invites joy into everyone’s life. They are the center of attention when young and hard-wired to trust that their parents are loving and setting a great example.
As they age, kids are easily distracted by electronics, other kids, sports, many things. But they are still children and need the same core values met that were essential hundreds of years ago. Here are few core values every child needs in their life from birth. When provided in ample quantity and quality, these values inspire joyful, focused, thriving children at age-appropriate levels.
- SAFETY — Everyone needs to feel safe to grow emotionally and be comfortable learning, exploring, adventuring, playing. A home can be safe or not have locks, but safety is more than physical locks. For children need to be assured, appreciated and encouraged to learn from the parents and interact with others in confident ways. A child who worries about constant judgement from a parent/relative/friend will not feel safe. They will grow physically, but may stop their emotional growth due to high stress or a traumatic event in the family. As a parent, you are in charge of sharing wisdom, knowledge and skills (like creating a radio, robot or introducing them computer technology). Just remember high-tech equipment like computers, tablets and phones should be used safely as well. Keeping PCs and tablets, phones in the common room for charging and use is a simple family rule to prevent debates over privacy later. Remember that keeping a predator/online bully away is much easier than battling that war once it has begun. Children are not mental equipped for that.
- COMPASSION — Compassion is kindness, respect, honoring and caring for others. When parents model this consistent behavior for their children, two things typically happen: Children are less selfish in their own activities, demands, and they feel good enough about themselves to give freely to others. Compassion is a deep form of love, but it’s an empowering love that elevates yourself and others without demands, needs, requirements to be met before love is shared or given as a reward. Compassion is freely given regardless of income, background or status, and it is considered one of the most powerful emotions to ease tension, stress, anxiety not only in your home, not in the world.
- ATTENTION — Every child needs attention, and every child needs individualized attention. Many a parent offers “attention” while scanning their social media on their smartphone or while watching TV, taking a nap. However, this is partial attention. Over time it can become neglectful, and children respond to a lack attention from parents by blaming themselves in most cases. Self-blame translates to “I’m at fault; why am I not good enough?,” which is one of the most fundamental questions children ask themselves as they begin to adopt coping mechanism for this overwhelming loneliness.
To prevent this — and to counter early traumas such as bullying — get involved with your child early and every day. Get on the ground and play with your infant, toddler at their level. Ban the use of your cell phone for an hour or more daily while you dedicate time freely with your child. Your child doesn’t care how much you earn; they much prefer how much time you invest fully with them. Attention also means parents should be encouraging, sharing vulnerable and hero stories to help your child to expect speed bumps or challenges and to respond with resilience. Reading age-appropriate happy, inspiring books also teaches your child that books are fun to read, even before they learn how to read.
As they age, be the first to teach them to play games, to dance, to kick a ball, hit a ball, sink a putt. Attention also requires parents to keep the learning game alive with their children. My grandson is about to turn six, and he already has played soccer and T-ball. He and I will be learning new games for him in the next 12-24 month that can entertain him, make him laugh out loud for life. Even your isolating, brooding teenager needs attention, but every age needs different attention. They are, after all, growing toward independence around age 18+, and you want to encourage them to thrive in life as adults. Also no discussion should be avoided because children will find their answers either from young friends or the internet. - GROWTH, ENCOURAGEMENT — Children of all ages need to know they should learn new skills safely in your family. Encourage growth and learning as you invest time with them. This includes adventures, sports, learning to bike, raise animals, skateboard, mountain climbing, etc. An encouraged child who is not judged harshly learns that life is fun, and that grows into confidence and more friendships over time. As encouragement is shared by parents at age-appropriate levels, so are learning opportunities on organizational skills, packing, eating, exercising. Laughter is also one of the best stress-management tools for children and adults. To encourage this, put on the shows like Bluey to get the laughs started. Also be aware that encouragement, creativity are most powerful in a home filled with love and lacking harsh judgement, emotional outbursts. Those create high-stress environments that every member of the household can feel, even infants.
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(Next Time: We will dig into additional key beliefs, models of reality, created in childhood that become life-long foundations for adult lives, loves, careers, possibilities and limitations. Thank you for your time investing in this continuing education series of articles from World Wellness Today. To learn more or arrange a free talk at WorldWellnessToday.com. Or call on Mondays or Wednesdays between 1-5 p.m. at 281.541.4983)
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- Young children love games for the team building and the sake of the event, not for the result desired by coaches and parents. Children do not respond well to deadlines and demands until they build self-confidence and skills for resilience. (Photo by Terry Carter/UDPhotos.com)
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- Healthy children, including teens, enjoy fun, even goofy, moments regularly. Laughter is a healthy, but often overlooked mental health routine that fights stress and anxiety. (Photo by Terry Carter/UDPhotos)
