For parents, there are always questions and things you have to think about in terms of how much freedom to let your kids have and when to let them do certain things. The concept of kids going to sleepovers has been a point of debate, especially in recent years for a lot of parents.
There has been a growing pushback against the concept of kids going to sleepovers at friends’ houses on internet blogs and social media. A lot of parents have laid out their reasons why they’re against sleepovers for their kids, and it’s left many wondering what the right choices are for their families.
At a minimum, before a child attends a sleepover, it seems like parents are increasingly taking advantage of tools available to them, like doing an online search of the parents for any red flags, but what else do parents need to know?
Every family is different, but the following are some things parents might think about before letting their kids have an overnight visit with friends.
The TikTok Controversy
For years, the big sleepover debate has been going on among parents, and now it’s also found a home on TikTok. Parents are battling on the social media app about whether sleepovers are harmful or healthy.
They’re using the platform to explain their personal choices, justifying their caution in some instances, and sometimes criticizing those who don’t agree with them.
Some people have posted videos saying that they will never allow their kids to attend sleepovers at any age, saying that you never know what goes on behind closed doors.
Other parents have argued back that you can’t control everything as a parent, and sleepovers were some of their favorite childhood memories.
Commenters have posted news stories about child sexual abuse. Along with fears of abuse, parents are against sleepovers for a host of other reasons, including cultural differences.
At the same time, child development experts say that overnight visits with friends can be a step for children. They help them gain exposure to other families’ cultures, navigate their growing sense of independence and learn how to be more flexible.
While sleepovers may make some parents feel uncomfortable, they are a way kids can begin to develop independence from their caregivers.
Some experts say that if families are firmly against the idea of sleepovers, they should explore alternative ways for their kids to have a similar experience.
For example, they caution there’s a fine line between raising kids who are aware of inappropriate behaviors and how to realize when a situation might not be safe and kids who are afraid of the world.
If parents are basing their entire decision regarding sleepovers on a place of fear, some mental health professionals say they should take time to ask themselves what it is that’s driving that anxiety.
What Happens When Kids Don’t Work Toward Independence?
While developing a sense of independence doesn’t have to come from sleepovers alone, when children generally aren’t given a chance to practice their sense of independence, they can develop separation anxiety, phobias, and fears when they’re away from their caregivers and in new places.
Sleepovers can be one way that kids learn cognitive mental flexibility because they’re going to experience things done differently in someone else’s home than how they’re done in theirs.
Minimizing Risk
It’s not an attainable goal for parents to eliminate all risks in the lives of their children, as much as they might want to. There’s no world without some level of risk, so rather the job of parents should be to minimize it as much as they reasonably can.
As far as sleepovers, child development experts suggest starting small. For example, kids can start by staying with a trusted grandparent before they ever stay with a friend.
A parent should know the family where their child will be staying as well, but there will be some elements of uncertainty that are inevitable.
Social risks are a type of risk. You want to help your kids prepare for social risks and be alert and aware of their environment. You want your kids to have that sense of balance where they aren’t afraid to try new things, but they know how to make decisions for themselves that are safe and healthy.
Parents might also try to engage in things that they find balance some of their worries with the developmental needs of their child. For example, maybe you let your kids stay at a friend’s house in the evening, but they come home to actually go to sleep.
You can also offer to host sleepovers at your home, at least at first. This can put you and your child in a comfort zone, but they’re getting that experience of overnights with friends. You might realize that your child is ready for a sleepover at a friend’s house by seeing how they interact during your own, or alternatively, you could realize they’re not mature enough yet.
Every Child is Different
Some parents will say yes to a sleepover and then end up having to pick their child up in the middle of the night. You do want to ensure that your kids are personally ready for sleepovers.
Sleepovers for kids between the ages of 7 and 9 are a very big step, and maybe that’s too early for some kids.
If your child is preparing for a sleepover, give them an idea of what to expect. If possible, give them a phone, at least to take with them for the night. That way, they can FaceTime you or call or text you if they want.
Finally, while sleepovers can be a good thing for your kids, you should also trust your gut. If you have a family that you’d rather your child not spend the night with, or you simply don’t feel like you know them well enough, that’s okay too. If your instinct is that your child isn’t ready, then that’s your decision, and as a parent, you likely know best.
