If you are someone whose loved one is imprisoned, it is not an easy feeling or reality to deal with. Although it might seem impossible to care for them when he/she is away, you can. However, this is the time when love can do a great deal.
A lot of this has to do with how we feel.
You may feel confused with what to say, being reticent, or too conscious if you are saying the right thing. Hesitating is understandable. But do realize that your loved one and you are both human, and most likely they are feeling the same way. They need you in their lives as much as you do.
Here are five ways you can care for yourself and an imprisoned loved one.
1. Keep in touch
Even if not regularly, send your loved one a postcard, letters, gifts, and calls on birthdays. Do not let them feel cut off especially from the people they love. Take a small initiative and let them know he/she is in your thoughts.
Send pictures of home, a collection of funny memes, your own photos, photos of familiar places and some unfamiliar ones. Offer them a slice of home, take them somewhere with you through your words and photos. You can look up some guidelines on how to talk over the phone, send in digital messages, or schedule visits when you are not writing with prison inmates.
In a second, a lot of distance gets dispelled. When you are away and or not visiting, stay on the receiving end of answering calls from your loved one.
2. Send them money when possible
Lack of money can stop them from having access to lots of things for communication like having phone cards, envelopes, stamps, paper or pen, etc. So whenever you can, try to show your love and care by sending them some money so they can treat themselves by purchasing some snacks, buy self-care products, etc.
3. Share your problems with them
There could be something going on in your life too. Try to open up to your loved one by sharing your problems and troubles with them. Do not think you are going to add up to their misery. You are only helping them know that problems are everywhere, and each has to deal with their own.
When you share your problems you allow your loved ones to be vulnerable and feel connected to you. This way they will feel safe to share their worries back with you. Writing letters is a brilliant way to do that. Just because someone you know is in prison, does not mean they are stripped out of compassion or understanding. He/she is your loved one for a reason.
4. Share your good news
The people you love, and the ones who love you back, always live through each other. Sharing your happy moments, a joke, exciting times is not going to make them feel tortured or sad about not being with you. These are the moments you should discuss more, to bind you together stronger, stay connected and that you are saying simple things because you want to share the joy, the happiness as always. Share old memories you had together. Don’t let the little things fade away.
5. Engage with them intellectually
Even if prisons may confine a person and cut them off from the world, try to engage with your loved one.
Share an article, read a book simultaneously, share the news.
Ask for their opinion, brainstorm, have an engaging conversation.
Help them stimulate their brain, gain knowledge and stay informed.
Encourage them to participate in sports and take up some educational classes.
This allows people to feel a sense of purpose of living and having a sound mind that shares views and thoughts.
The greatest form of support and love you can show to your loved ones in prison is by simply showing up for them. Abandoning them or cutting off because of feelings of awkwardness, confusion, and plight is not the right way to take care of yourself or your dear one.
Consider talking with your friends and family. Try to bring in as many close people as possible for him/her to support them, to nurture the feeling of a lasting bond. Doing that will also help you open up to other people, letting go of a lot of emotional stress, fear, shame, or pain you and your loved one may be carrying within.
