We must have witnessed or been part of a productive conversation with our spouse, best friend, older relation, or boss. We’ve all had that discussion where we come out feeling heard and understood, and you can tell that the other person felt the same way too.
So, what went wrong along the way? Why are we not having these conversations frequently?
Most times, we feel we’re having conversations and sharing ideas, but in reality, we’re not. Instead, we have monologues, one-way conversations where the person you’re supposed to be conversing with tells you what they feel you want to hear and repay the favor, and everyone goes home happy.
We’re not exploring and learning about what the other person is saying. The other person is showing no such inclination to understand and explore what we’ve said. We’re not finding solutions to issues – more often than not, we’re creating the issues.
So basically, what we consider conversations is drastically different from what true dialogue is. True dialogue involves being engaged, curious, and willing to explore the other person’s words. It is a form of productive conversation or civil discourse, but why is civil discourse important?
A conversation is said to be productive when the parties involved in the discourse feel heard and understood. A productive conversation doesn’t necessarily mean that these people have to agree with one another. No, they only need to feel that they’ve communicated. People involved in this sort of discourse are less defensive and more willing to work towards achieving a common goal or interest. Civil discourse and unbiased language go hand in hand in achieving productive dialogue in today’s world. Unbiased language is a language devoid of discrimination, biases, and prejudices.
It’s understandable that using neutral language and engaging in productive dialogue might be new or even hard for some people. However, some tips can help you use unbiased language to have a productive dialogue. Below are five practical guidelines to help you make your discourse more productive and effective.
- Make Use of Neutral Language
Most of our biases are subconscious, but the trick is to know and acknowledge them and then work towards minimizing how it affects our conversations. By using inclusive language, more people will be more willing to be part of the discourse and broaden their perspectives.
A great way to make this possible is by being friendly and using respectful and friendly language, even when discussing groups or people that are not there.
- Listen to Understand
Many dialogues end up unproductive because while the person is talking, others are listening to find issues to disagree with. As a result, the main points of the discourse are overlooked for other issues. To have a productive discourse, we need to be willing to accept or at least consider alternative opinions.
Civil and productive discourse is not a discussion in which everyone agrees with everything, far from it. On the contrary, it is a dialogue where opinions are honestly analyzed and politely conveyed. It may not result in everyone agreeing, but everyone involved feels enriched, validated, and heard.
- Be Sincerely Curious
The good thing about listening is that you’re bound to learn something new or have questions. It’s important to ask open-ended questions. Suppose your questions are genuine and sincere rather than sarcastic or offensive. In that case, everyone will benefit from the answer provided, and the discourse could be more enriching.
- Be Willing To Learn
Conversations reveal different viewpoints, some will be in contrast to what you already know and agree with, and others will support your viewpoints or show another angle to your ideas. Be open-minded and challenge yourself to analyze different viewpoints, even opposing ideas. It also helps to see the group or individuals as a community, where every participant can honestly share opinions.
- Do Not Speculate
Others’ experiences are theirs to explain or interpret. Please do not presume to know their experiences more than they do. Do not assume what they’re thinking, and you always have the option of asking questions.
When someone asks a question, be sure that it is addressed to you before you answer. If it’s not, you should not answer, or better still, you can request to share an opinion on the issue. When answering, speak for yourself and to your own experiences.
Final Thoughts
Productive conversations have led to many amazing societal improvements, from ancient Greek to present times. Civil and productive discourse not only makes the participants feel validated and heard but also makes them feel fulfilled and widens their scope.
Most importantly, it prevents conflicts. To anyone looking to make their conversations more productive, the above guidelines will improve the quality of your discourse when applied.
