Relationships take work. Whoever tells you that simple love can tide you over in a relationship is lying. No matter how much you love someone, the strength of that sentiment alone isn’t enough to keep a relationship going strong. This applies to all relationships, regardless of if it’s a short-lived fling or if it culminates in a visit to a custom engagement ring jeweler.
What differentiates strong relationships from the weaker ones is communication. Communication in a relationship doesn’t mean nagging at each other or always needing to know where the other is; it refers to the process by which couples can healthily discuss points of contention and resolve conflicts.
Oftentimes, even the most stark of differences can be happily resolved if a well-founded communication process is used. Conversely, even a minor conflict can disentangle a relationship if effective communication isn’t present.
Communication as Key
Communication is important to a healthy relationship for a variety of reasons. First and foremost is that it allows you to know the person. While this may seem simple and obvious, in practice, being true to yourself when you are worried about the other person liking you or them judging you for your interests, can be difficult.
At times like these, you may prefer to put on a façade or lie about your interests to come off better. But this can lead the other person to form an understanding of you that is incorrect, and which can harm the fruitfulness of your relationship in the long-term. This is why communication need not only exist, but be truthful as well. Be clear with how you convey yourself, and while certain white lies may be relatively harmless here and there, take care to remain largely truthful and to communicate this to your significant other.
Frequent and truthful communication will also provide you with insight into your partner’s likes and dislikes, their values and dreams and vulnerabilities—all of which lend itself to deepening of emotion and the creation of a stronger bond. Such communication can also help you to envision your future together, and decide if there is one to begin with.
Communication is also needed to avoid misunderstandings from occurring, and allowing hurt to fester. These are the sort of situations that quietly kill a relationship. Misunderstandings can lead to a breakdown of trust, especially as both parties perceive different versions of the situation. To avoid misunderstandings, couples should speak up when they feel aggrieved or uncomfortable with something, and explain their feelings truthfully to their partner with the hopes of starting a productive discussion that will bring about a change in perception or behavior.
It is best not to approach the situation as a fight or as me versus you, as this approach can often lead to the other party feeling accused and turning on the defensive. Once your partner has turned defensive, the situation is likely to quickly devolve into an argument which neither side is likely to be happy with. So try your best to stay calm and keep away from accusatory words or tone of voice when explaining your dissatisfaction with your partner, and reassure them that you just want to find a solution to the problem. What this requires is not only healthy communication but communicating with finesse to reach the most optimal solution.
Lastly, communication is needed to set clear boundaries and expectations so there is trust in the relationship. Knowing one’s own, and the other’s, boundaries are key to maintaining a strong relationship. Even within the closest of relationships, boundaries will likely exist and probably should exist to ensure that each person in the relationship feels comfortable with each other.
These boundaries can be wildly different from person to person, and may change with time. Changes in boundaries should also be communicated immediately with your partner so they are aware, and know not to cross any. Likewise, expectations are also important to communicate with your partner. This is particularly important because what one party expects from the other in a relationship may be very different due to personality, their prior experience in relationships, the way they have grown up and so on. If couples cannot meet each other’s expectations, then it’s likely they will be unhappy in the relationship.
But a lot of the time, this can happen unknowingly because each partner may be fulfilling what they think the other wants in the relationship without realizing that what they expect in a relationship is different to what the other does.
To resolve such situations, couples should communicate with each other about their expectations for the relationship and each other early-on in the relationship, and communicate any changes in these expectations immediately as they arise so micro-transgressions and unhappiness do not arise.
Keeping a relationship healthy and strong is hard, but with regular and effective communication in place, all couples should be able to weather the storm.
