If turkeys get pardoned for Thanksgiving—it stands to reason that pigs need pardoned for Christmas. Afterall, many cooks place a baked ham on the Yuletide table. Gobblers are not more important than oinkers.
Please note—the turkeys have committed no crimes. No impersonating chickens for sordid gain. No battering or bullying in the barnyard. No theft of poultry property.
Each year, the National Turkey Federation chooses one or two turkeys for the annual presentation to the President of the United of America.
Therefore, the National Pork Producers Council needs to weigh in on annual pork pardons during Christmas.
In 2015, President Obama pardoned Honest and Abe, then Tater and Tot in 2016. President Trump pardoned Drumstick and Wishbone in 2017, and Peas and Carrots in 2018. Bread and Butter became the lucky ducks (I mean turkeys) in 2019.
“The turkeys are chosen based on their appearance and temperament: They need to be able to tolerate large crowds and loud noises for the pardoning ceremony. Once the birds are chosen, they’re taken to a hotel in the D.C. area for press events during the week before Thanksgiving,” according to an article in Reader’s Digest.
Well, bring on the bacon! Pork and Beans want to be spared from being honey-glazed hams on Christmas platters decorated with pineapples. BLT and Spamela want more time to wallow. More mud massages! Hambone and Hogwarts would be honored to show their stuff in Washington and be sent to a Happy Ham Habitat or a Swine Spawn.
“Nationwide, more than 60,000 pork producers annually market more than 115 million hogs. On average, these animals provided total gross income of more than $20 billion.” www.nppc.org.
Move over turkeys. Make room for pigs. Pampered Pork Park is ready for pardoned prized pigs. Blow the bugle for bacon!
Christmas Eve in the Rose Garden is a swine time for piggy pardons— among glittering lights and mistletoe. The gilt (female hog) must be dressed in a ballgown and the boar (male hog) must sport a tux.
I am hopeful that both turkeys and pigs can share presidential pardons—without partisan politics. Poultry and pork can share the traditional commemoration. Whether a liberal pig or a conservative turkey, no matter. Both gobbling and oinking noises would be welcomed. Beaks and snouts can be honored in the Rose Garden. Although different in smell and size, wings and hooves can travel the same pardoning path—because they are patriots.
However, fish, cows, and lobsters may not apply for presidential pardons during the holidays. That’s just not American.
Melissa Martin, Ph.D., is an author, columnist, educator, and therapist. She lives in Ohio. Contact her at email@example.com.